There goes history rhyming again! Poisonous trees produce poisonous fruit. Congressman celebrates in front of a concentration camp cell, recalling the infamy of Abu Ghraib. The U.S. crosses the halfway mark on measles. Whalehead Deadbear Brainworm claims there aren’t any “71 year olds” with autism.
Ever watched a pressure cooker get hotter? I have. It’s scary. Madness runs rampant. The Courts are hammering Nitwit Nero on the daily (today it was the 4th Circuit, once one of the most conservative circuits in the country). A wee, tiny few Republicans are finding their voices, even if they squeak.
Make no mistake, though, the ForProfit Media are still who we thought they were. But credit where it’s due: Leon Skum is “a weirdo,” although I make a strong case for “creep.” Speaking of creeps, let’s go back to FloriDUH, where the sound of gunfire shattered the sunny day at Florida State. Two dead, and a white, male, REPUBLICAN Christian murdered the whole universe for two innocent human beings . . . and we haven’t even gotten to the creep, yet.
WARNING: massive amounts of Law Nerdery (which actually turns out to be kinda important) ahead. The Constitution is still alive, even if it’s coughing up blood on the stoop. Too, also: Whalehead Deadbear Brainworm lets his Eugenics out to play. Target: Autistic kids.
Fingers crossed! The H.O.R.N. Brain Trust may have solved the crazy file size problem. Please let me know.
Chuckles Grassley gets an earful in Iowa. Our betters say “I told you so” to the MAGATS trashing immigration law. B-T-W: there’s a difference between “scare” and “terrorize.” ICE kidnaps another innocent . . . an NYC teenager who fled Venezuela with his daddy. He’s in El Shitholador now. Judge Xinis grows impatient with pettifogging DoJ pettifoggers. And a discussion arises about the ideological purity of Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer.
Bill Maher, Moran. Shinable Centrist. “Donald Trump’s insane, but he was nice to me.” Ol’ Balls n’ Strikes gets his nose rubbed in it and licks his lip for extra flavor. For-Profit Media finally twigs to the Constitutional Crisis we’re in.
I wish I had a staff! We were all over the place. Sometimes it all moves too fast. Nitwit Nero gets spanked by SCOTUS. And now we wait . . . and wait, Mullah Moses Mike wants to destroy Medicaid to save young men from their basements. I hate him.
Nitwit Nero monkeys with the Market. On purpose. Impeachably. Kinda makes you wish we actually had a Congress jealous of its Article I rights. Meanwhile, Karoline LeavitAlone, good k-k-krischun that she is, decides some American citizens just need to be . . . sent to some godforsaken shithole in El Salvador. (There was a time we bombed countries into the stone age for torturing American citizens. Don’t tell K-k-karoline.)
MAGAT senator looks for someone “to choke” when the tariffs destroy the economy . . . cuz he can’t stand to blame Carotene Caligula. SCOTUS gives Tangerine Tiberius extra time to hurt people. Leon Skum and Petey Navarro have a 7th Grade girl slap fight. Karoline Leavitalone says, “Boys will be boys.”
SCOTUS continues lurching rightward. If it lists anymore to starboard, it’s gonna capsize. Tommy the Tuber scores more points in his quest to become the Stupidest Member of the Senate. The market takes a brief breather on bad information before the MAGAT Comms Shop shrieks “FAKE NEWS” and sends it spiralling earthward again.
The Lazy Liege Lord of MAG-A-Lardass cheats at golf while Americans watch their savings dwindle in the market he’s crashed. Even his own evil minions are at a loss to explain it. China pushes back . . . HARD. How bad is it? Even Rafaelito Eduardo Cruz, the Annointed, Booger-Eatin’ King Of America, who has zero self-respect, is saying “Daddy” may be trashing not just the American economy, but that of the world.
Tariff Time! Na-na-na-NA! Can’t tariff this! Even Carrotene Caligula’s minions can’t keep up with their orange lord and saviour (who will sell them out in a Jamaica Queens Minute). MAGATS bemoan the passing of a shitty brewery in Norfolk, Virginia (which always scares them because they’re afraid they’re gonna say “fuck.”) Mika sighs, “oh!” a lot as she finds out what “tariffs” means. They’re fiddling while Rome barbecues.
The Cory Booker hangover. He said it. How do we do it? Meanwhile, the MAGATS just keep on MAGAT-ing. Now the farmers are . . . confused. How do they keep their solar panels from being DEI? It’s Wednesday.
History happens while-we-wait. Never mind the usual MAGAT insanity. A man stood up and called us to our “better angels.” Cory Booker. Twenty-five hours of calling Nitwit Nero an asshole, without ever saying the word. Make room for this next to “De Catalina.”
So many morans . . . but a few stand out. Like the professional grievance artist from USAToday who’s horribly butthurt that people criticize her for BEING A FASCIST. MAGAT House member abandons the Feeedumm Carcass because they hate women. Quel surprise, girlypop! It’s T’DoV. Celebrate trans visibility. Remember last year? When the MAGATS threw a fit over Easter and T’DoV coinciding? Well, the MAGATS can really celebrate this year! Why? Easter falls on Hitler’s birthday! Oh, joyous MAGAT day!
This is one of those months that ends in a bind. We’re in a deficit of $1,715 entering April. If you can, might you help keep April from being the “cruellest month?” The PayPal link is here. Thank-you!
MAGAT remorse is a thing to behold. MAGAT states get their health budgets slashed by Leon Skum. Whalehead Deadbear Brainworm fat-shames WV’s TrentonTroll Gremlin Governor to his face. Leon Skum sueed for trying to buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court election.
It doesn’t get much more titanic than having a Signal sleepover with all your best MAGAT cabinet pals and accidentally inviting a reporter. The hilarity on Capitol Hill was Python-esque.
Oh, and Nitwit Nero reeeeeally doesn’t want you to vote!